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My life story, how it was told to me...many years ago.

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Monday, July 12th, 2004
5:48 am
I got a new account, it's not spiffy yet..but just you wait..I'd appreciate if ya all re-added me, too :D  And I promise it'll be better, cause even I can see that this journal's suckitude is rising..so yea!  sm0kingrev0lver  is the new thing!

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Sunday, July 11th, 2004
8:23 am
Man, I hate updating in this thing. I've got nothing of interest to say, so if anything I'd be the only one getting anything out of it...and I don't! All I know is I'm lonely at this second, and it's just sorta weird cause I blow off my friends to hang out with Asher and he's not even here. Jimmy and Asher are like the only people I wanna hang out with or talk to, and they're never available >_

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Saturday, July 10th, 2004
11:12 pm
Bleh. I need to stop avoiding realty, and just confront the fact that I'm 14 and I should stop acting my age. Luckily, this summer wasn't spent associating myself too much with the mood induced trivial species of youth today. Rather, it was spent in otherwise frowned upon activity...:P

We missed my soccer meeting thing, to meet with all the coaches and get on their good side and whatnot so who knows...I might have to get in by skill alone. Holy shit! Yesterday, my mom and dad spent quite a while at Dawn's house playing games and getting drunk, so Asher jumped on the tarp again. It was cool having the house to ourselves so late. He had just gotten back from Ames, and was tired but after harrassing me with my mom's business phone, he felt better.

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Friday, July 9th, 2004
2:17 am
Unusual times. Things are happening, and I am in no control it seems to feel. I watch myself do things that contradict what I say, and it scares me. I seem to have been floating up above the world for quite some time. And now, reality for some reason has taken it upon itself to come down and give me a visit. But I don't want to face the facts. Those cruel truths that I tried to hide from myself when I first left the known world. And now I have to confront all my insecurites and disorders and decisions. Gah. I need happy pills. I really am NOT in control, and that's why I am trying to recover from this fucking eating disorder (its mild, so I never mention it). What really is most frustrating thing yet, is my inability to let things go. I find myself getting myself into fights that are unnecessary, and saying things I don't mean. And all the time I say those things, I am watching from afar. Trying to get my attention and to stop being so ridiculous. And I haven't gotten my alter-ego's attention yet. I'm not trying to escape blame, but honestly...I can do nothing. I try to help all my friends who need my support, and I can't even help myself. I'm asking for help. I'm not complaining, but everyone seeks my help and I graciously deliver..but never do they seem to want to return the favor. I'm not sure yet why I'm asking the computer for help, but typing this calms me. I meditated tonight after I practiced some soccer. I wish I could shape my mind like that without the whole meditating process. It'd do me a lot of good.

Jimmy is leaving Saturday for his cousins, and I'm stuck intown. The twins want to come over (it seems like all my friends pressure me into being social) on Saturday, and hopefully we can go to the mall so I can at least hide in the dressing room. It's been too long. I just hope I don't get caught up in all my secrets.

current mood: lonely

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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
10:18 pm
From the genius of Leviathan:

"The Eighth Law of Nature-against contumely: And because of all signs of hatred, or contempt, provoke to fight; insomuch as most men choose rather to hazard their life, than not to be revenged; we may in the eighth place, for a law of nature, set down this precept, that no man by deed, word, countenance, or gesture, declare hatred, or contempt of another.  The breach of which law, is commonly called contumely."


current mood: cold

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Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
8:28 pm
I've lost it.

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Sunday, July 4th, 2004
2:29 am
Hmm. Be prepared, viewers. This entry contains insane rambling, and might be a bit too honest. So, contain your disgust for the sake of the motion picture. Enjoy.

I was going to go on a rant about me being incredibly fake and confess some secrets, but now, 2 hours later, I'd rather keep them to myself. The only thing I've realized in that span of time is the fact that I'm a HUGE loser! Happy, happy, happy now, though. For reasons unbeknownst to me, of course. Yar!

current mood: weird

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Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
3:09 am
My dramatic reasonings are going too far.  Do I assume too much?  I only want to wish for the best...

We rented 'Ichi the Killer' today, but I didn't really *see* much of it, because I was distracted.  It looked okay from what I saw, however.  I'm super excited to watch some of the movies I downloaded, especially Cowboy Bebop.  It's all in Japanese, but some of the episodes have subtitles, I think.  I need to download some Witch Hunter Robin and Inu Yasha, too.  Could you all do my a HUGE favor (Oh my goodness, I'm asking a huge favor!) and PLEEEEASE comment with a reccomended movie, orTV show, or any music thingies.  Even if you don't know me, I really enjoy comments but I hardly get em!  I NEED LOVIN!

I'm kind of disappointed with my icon communities, they aren't very supportive.  I'm lucky to get 1 comment on ALL of my posts, I mean...I didn't know I was that horrible!  I think from now on, I might just post them in this journal....

Here be IconageCollapse )

current mood: chipper

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Thursday, July 1st, 2004
7:36 pm
I don't really have much motivation to update this thing anymore. But..I love making icons and designing stuff in PS, so it's quite unavoidable, heh. I'd like to learn more about computers, though, because I can't figure how to use the stuff I download, HTML is a foreign language, and I'm not good at this sort of thing. Oh well. I don't mind it too entirely much, but it is frustrating. My life is pretty good these days. I've got awesome friends, an awesome boytoy, and awesome times. I'm losing weight, too. A lot has been going on, but I'm not really in the mood to update all that stuff..so yes. Uber boring post :D

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Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
5:11 am

Oookie, gonna go into detail since it's not 2 in the morning :P Asher went to the Spiderman 2 release party at Gamers...and the boss liked him so much, that he gave him an interview and a job at the corporate office. So INCREDIBLY AWESOME! Plus, Asher and Pat are good friends now, and Asher will have good friends at Gamers. AND Jimmy's off probation. MAN I LOVE MY LIFE! And without further ado, a poem I wrote in angst!

OccurencesCollapse )

current mood: rejuvenated

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Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
2:23 pm
ASHER GOT A JOB AT GAMERS!!!

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11:02 am

Lyrical Work Thingy!Collapse )

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7:30 am
Canceled all my plans today. It's getting entirely too messy and busy for me lately, and I just needed time to do whatever and not worry about plans. If I had a car, it would be different, but it sucks when you have to get someone to always take you places, and it's not really fun to walk 16 blocks to anyone's house. As if there's anything fun to do within walking distance of my house >_<

I woke up late, and just hung around the house. Asher and I then went to Gamers and sold his PS2 and some games so we could get credit for games. He bought a really crappy game that was sorta like Halo, and it was ridiculously confusing and had horrible graphics. Which is disappointing for an Xbox game. Then we got XXS3, a snowboarding game. I have only played horrible snowboarding games, but this one is incredibly awesome. Great graphics, and you can be tons of people and customize them and shit. Asher also got a DBZ game for gameboy that he likes a lot. Later tonight he's going to a midnight party at Gamers for the release of Spiderman 2, the game, so he's gonna return the shitty game and possibly get a new one. We saw his friend Pat there, so he'll be staying the night tonight. Nothing else to update really, so I'm done..

current mood: listless

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Monday, June 28th, 2004
11:25 am - memory fades
Today was a great day. I got offline around 4 this morning (hadn't slept at all) I wasn't tired at all, and I was pretty hyped up cause I had just had a fight/resolve with Jimmy. So, it came to 5 and I just couldn't pass it up and I went for a quick jog around the block. It was too cloudy for a sunrise, however >_< I did the rest of my excercises under our deck. I absolutely love it there, there are plants and flowers, and the gazing ball and a fountain. It's just so surreal and romantic, and PERFECT for a picnic! It was rainy today, so I passed on that.

Today was INCREDIBLY boring until around 7. Jimmy and his friends Brett and Justin came to my house unexpectadly, and so we all walked down to G Stanley. It started pouring rain when we were about a block away, so we all had to sprint to the school and get shelter. I got soaked @_@ His friends walked home later on, and Jimmy walked me home. I'm grateful for that, because it's dark and I do live in a scary neighborhood. Asher gave him a ride, so that was nice of him. Tomorrow we might go to the movies, so I'm happy. He makes me happy..^_^ *le sigh*

Yesterday Bruce, Julie, Lisa, and Lindsay all came over for dinner. It was nice, Lindsay and I just hung out and watched movies, and then later we played some cards with everyone else. Being social makes me so much more happy. I wrote a contemplative lyrical work today (not exactly sure what it is) and I took an excerpt from it, and illustrated it. It's cool, well in my opinion at least. Hmm, that's really all for the moment..maybe I'll post my lyric thingy later.

current mood: peaceful

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11:23 am - Yay!
It's Incubus day...so unless you want to see a piccy and a quiz involving Brandon Boyd (who is the sex!) then this post is skipable...Read more...Collapse )

current mood: crazy

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Saturday, June 26th, 2004
5:45 am

Quizor I stole from Jaredo (he doesn't read this, though)Collapse )

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4:13 am
Hmm. Life is good. Jimmy and I are back together, so naturally I feel better, even though I knew he'd ask me sooner or later. He wrote me a letter..I'm not sure whether to call it a love letter, or a desperate letter composed of "I'm sorry's" and lyrics. Thought that counts, though ^_^ He came over today, and I was getting mad when all he did was just sit in a chair and not talk at all. Heh, guys can't take hints. Anyway, Asher made up a bogus lie for Jimmy to leave. He didn't tell me he was lying until Jimmy left so there was nothing that I could do really. I wasn't mad, though, cause we weren't really doing anything fun..so it was awkward.

When he left Asher and I played some 3 point pool shootout. He decided it would be funny to jump into our pool with the solar cover still on, so he jumped into and he didn't get wet at all. When I did it, however, I got soaked. But it was awesome, the cover like vaccuumed to your body, and you couldn't move but it kept you floating. We had to peel it off as we dangled off the edge (demon ladder).

I gained all my old weight back, so that plan didn't work. It gets to the point where I'm like, "It can wait, I'm making good process..it's a one time thing." So I skip excercise and I eat things I shouldn't. It's SO frustrating when you're doing it and people don't know you're on a diet, so they tempt you! Ack, willpower is a bitch!

Hung out with Krystal a lot yesterday. I met her target as of late, so that was unpleasant to be around (in the sense that she was seducing him). We ran to meet with Jimmy, but he wasn't there when he was supposed to. We saw on the way, Krystal's wigger friend aka Gangsta Boy, and his cousin. We hung out for half an hour with them, and luckily remembered that we had to meet Jimmy. He brought his friend, unfortunately so that was ruined. So. All of a sudden I'm a social butterfly >_>

current mood: amused

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Thursday, June 24th, 2004
8:55 am
Ok, I'm done with most of the icons I wanted to finish. But..father has taken the internet away from me during the day. I'd have no problem with this, if it was fair. I did NOTHING, however. The only reason is because Asher was stealing internet access during the day. From my father's computer, not mine. So really, NOTHING at all to do with me. But, my father is a jerk. Nuff said. He wants me to get a job, when no one will hire a 14 year old with no job experiance. We have two home daycares in the neighborhood. Rendering me absolutely no hope for getting a job. So, basically tis as unfair as it could possibly be. Jimmy and I are technically not dating, too. He overreacted last night when I was teasing him, and he took me seriously and broke up with me. He realised he was an ass, so now he wants to ask me again, face to face. Problem is..I won't see him for awhile. He's leaving for vacation. So, if I SHOULD take advantage of this, but I won't. I'm not..that mean. But, no guaruntees for the 311 concert.

I went swimming and running today, so my excercise is done for the day XD It's shaping up to be a lonely day, Phantom Planet!

current mood: artistic

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Monday, June 21st, 2004
9:29 am
Auto response from Double0097: how cum they call smokers smokey when smokey is aginst that???
how cum we wonder what victoria's sceret when we have terroist??????
how cum there is a subway every where when all they do is serve sandwiches???????
are americans to fat to make the sandwich??????

...and you all wonder why I hate my age group. She went on a "lmao is overrated" rant today on me, and it was almost exactly like her Nirvana rant. What makes me laugh, is that that's not even her opinion, heh. She just says what everyone else says without knowing what she talks about! But, she is an ok friend so I won't bash her too much. Today was spent sleeping and being depressed. But I'm dandy now, and I should probably go spend some time with my father.

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Sunday, June 20th, 2004
4:10 am
Well. Weirdness I suppose. If I were up to it I'd be depressed. I get like that when I'm left to my own devices. :P So, , Jimmy's mad at me. Or mad at the world and taking it out on me, I really have no idea. Heh, I'll have to deal with this either through confrontation or by just giving up. I don't know yet. I expected so much, and yet again when I expect anything from anyone it gets all tangley and scary. So...avoiding it next time! Today was a fun day I suppose. Asher's old friend, James, has been coming over more. It's nice their friendship has rekindled, they were best friends when Asher went to Ralston. He's a good guy. When I was little I had the BIGGEST crush on him, though...anyway. We went and played Frisbee Golf. That was interesting. Fun, I guess. We then went to Dawn's for awhile, and then we went to James. He has a pet scorpian and that was pretty cool I guess. Then we came home, and I went to bed early thinking I'd wake up at 12 when A.J. left so I could hang out with Asher and James. They're still awake now (at 4 in the morning) but I don't think they want to do anything. So I'm alone with nothing to do since everyone else is sleeping. Ack. There isn't much anything to do with such a slow computer, but I'm gonna stop complaining. Getting awfully repetive with that bit, eh!

All I ask for is internet access and an hour with Asher's computer. All I ask right now! Well, I change that. I want something else, too..wouldn't you all just like to know what!

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